Goaaaaaaalllssss... and not the World Cup kind...

I must admit, I have having a very rough summer. Usually, summer is an exciting time because I've been so used to summer being the one time of the year where I had all the time in the world to do whatever I wanted. Even though I had a part time job, it still wasn't all that much time taken out of my week. This summer, I have huge responsibilities to worry about. My old job won't take me back because he has no hours to give me. I just got hired at a new place part-time, and now I need to find another job, because one minimum wage part time job is just not going to cut it. I would rather relax and be a kid while I could. Well, not really relax, because I need to be doing something, and I'm not worried about working, but I am worried about being able to find this other job when I am only here for the summer.

What I really need to do is set some goals for myself and then figure out how I am going to achieve them. I guess maybe if I wrote (typed) them down, it would be a little easier for me. That way every time I log onto blogger, I can see them.

SO.....

Goal 1: Get a second job.
How I am going to accomplish this goal: apply apply apply. follow up follow up follow up.

Goal 2: lose 9 lbs.
How I am going to accomplish this goal: eat better. work out.

Goal 3: Get a tan.
How I am going to accomplish this goal: Lay out by the pool when not busy with goal 1 and 2.

I will probably come up with more later, but that is all I can think of right now.

How I am going to spend tomorrow on working on my goals:
Drink mass amounts of water. Eat lightly, no matter how bored I am. If I am full, stop eating no matter how good the food tastes. Lay by the pool with friends. Finish filling out applications and turn them in.

Legends, Lore, and Lies

Today, I'm pretty sure I found out one of my best friends lied to me. It was such a dumb lie. It was a lie about himself to make himself look cooler... I guess? It just hurts because he should know that I would never judge him. In fact, the truth seems something more to be respected than this lie.

The worst part is that he lied to his twin brother too. His brother loves him more than probably anyone. It just breaks my heart. Oh, did I mention that his brother is kind of my boyfriend? Yeah. I don't know if I should tell him. I kept his lie a secret from our friends, but his brother is a different story. A part of me feels like he has a right to know, and another part of me feels like maybe I should leave it alone. I just don't understand why he has to make up things like this, especially to the people to whom he is closest.

Lies are dirty, dirty things. They may give off good impressions, but when they reveal themselves, it's ugly.

Dead Passion

It's a weird feeling to look back and realize you are not who you used to be. I used to be the nerd who would stay inside and write poetry and read books. I enjoyed reading, but really... I loved to write.

Where did that passion go? I don't even enjoy it anymore. I enjoy blogging, and that's only sometimes. I miss this passion that I had, because I was at least passionate about something.

Maybe I should give it another shot. I haven't tried to write a creative piece in a long time. I don't think I could even come up with a good creative story. I am going to try, though. I must.

Today, I opened myself up more than I have in a very long time. I let myself feel vulnerable. I am trying to "love with everything I've got". That way, when I look back, I will have no regrets. I won't look back wishing that I gave more. I am trying to give it my all.

I'm at a loss of where to go with my life. I have no passions. I used to love writing, until I realized I sucked, and I don't even really enjoy it so much anymore. I don't enjoy really anything that could eventually become a career. I just kind of want to have fun. I want to go out there and experience the world and try to be a kid for as long as I can. But, of course, my financial situation is making that impossible. Step mother is on my butt telling me to get a job and that I must be able to pay my rent next year. Looks like I will be taking out a loan. Stuff like that is sucking the youth right out of me. It's truly sad, because I believe that whether if you're eight or eighty you should have a little youth in your spirit. That cute optimism that most people look at as ignorance. You have to have that youthful hope and love for the rest of your life, because without it, what's the point of living? Believe that there is a God who loves you more than you could even comprehend. Believe in silly little things like soul mates. Believe in true love. Believe in fate. When you find someone to love, love with all of your heart. Jump right in there. Let down your guard and give that person all of your trust. Who cares if you're vulnerable. And when you are married to this person fifty years down the road, make sure you are still jumping to grab him when you haven't seen him in awhile. Give that person those spontaneous kisses. Tell that person you love him/her every chance you get. Keep the youthful optimism. Let if fuel you throughout your life.