It's a weird feeling to look back and realize you are not who you used to be. I used to be the nerd who would stay inside and write poetry and read books. I enjoyed reading, but really... I loved to write.
Where did that passion go? I don't even enjoy it anymore. I enjoy blogging, and that's only sometimes. I miss this passion that I had, because I was at least passionate about something.
Maybe I should give it another shot. I haven't tried to write a creative piece in a long time. I don't think I could even come up with a good creative story. I am going to try, though. I must.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Today, I opened myself up more than I have in a very long time. I let myself feel vulnerable. I am trying to "love with everything I've got". That way, when I look back, I will have no regrets. I won't look back wishing that I gave more. I am trying to give it my all.
I'm at a loss of where to go with my life. I have no passions. I used to love writing, until I realized I sucked, and I don't even really enjoy it so much anymore. I don't enjoy really anything that could eventually become a career. I just kind of want to have fun. I want to go out there and experience the world and try to be a kid for as long as I can. But, of course, my financial situation is making that impossible. Step mother is on my butt telling me to get a job and that I must be able to pay my rent next year. Looks like I will be taking out a loan. Stuff like that is sucking the youth right out of me. It's truly sad, because I believe that whether if you're eight or eighty you should have a little youth in your spirit. That cute optimism that most people look at as ignorance. You have to have that youthful hope and love for the rest of your life, because without it, what's the point of living? Believe that there is a God who loves you more than you could even comprehend. Believe in silly little things like soul mates. Believe in true love. Believe in fate. When you find someone to love, love with all of your heart. Jump right in there. Let down your guard and give that person all of your trust. Who cares if you're vulnerable. And when you are married to this person fifty years down the road, make sure you are still jumping to grab him when you haven't seen him in awhile. Give that person those spontaneous kisses. Tell that person you love him/her every chance you get. Keep the youthful optimism. Let if fuel you throughout your life.
I'm at a loss of where to go with my life. I have no passions. I used to love writing, until I realized I sucked, and I don't even really enjoy it so much anymore. I don't enjoy really anything that could eventually become a career. I just kind of want to have fun. I want to go out there and experience the world and try to be a kid for as long as I can. But, of course, my financial situation is making that impossible. Step mother is on my butt telling me to get a job and that I must be able to pay my rent next year. Looks like I will be taking out a loan. Stuff like that is sucking the youth right out of me. It's truly sad, because I believe that whether if you're eight or eighty you should have a little youth in your spirit. That cute optimism that most people look at as ignorance. You have to have that youthful hope and love for the rest of your life, because without it, what's the point of living? Believe that there is a God who loves you more than you could even comprehend. Believe in silly little things like soul mates. Believe in true love. Believe in fate. When you find someone to love, love with all of your heart. Jump right in there. Let down your guard and give that person all of your trust. Who cares if you're vulnerable. And when you are married to this person fifty years down the road, make sure you are still jumping to grab him when you haven't seen him in awhile. Give that person those spontaneous kisses. Tell that person you love him/her every chance you get. Keep the youthful optimism. Let if fuel you throughout your life.
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